very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
