Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
