My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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