I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
