dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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