did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
