Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
