Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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