Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
