Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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