Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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