Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
