I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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