Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
