fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
