we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
