Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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