can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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