She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm having to shit out rocks
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
