You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
