And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
