I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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