i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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