Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
