You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
