Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
