Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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