You work out of a Hotel?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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