1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
