I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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