You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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