What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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