Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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