Whod you bang
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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