dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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