You smell like a Billy Joel song
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize