Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
