The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
