wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
