your parents love me but you hate me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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