Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My vagina is very pro this idea
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
