well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
