I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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