He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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