it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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