I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
