you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
