listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Houston, we have a squirter
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
