i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
