It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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