I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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