I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
