Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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