Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
