What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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