youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
