How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
