If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
try to milk me bitch
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
