Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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